Today as I waited for the bus to take me back home, I saw a bicyclist get clipped by a car. He tumbled to the ground in a hard way, probably got the wind knocked and shit scared out. Problem is it was 100% totally his fault. What’s worse is he had no helmet! This is actually pretty serious because someone could have gotten seriously hurt, I’m not taking this lightly. Thank Xena nobody got hurt and the cyclist was able to walk it off and maybe learn a lesson in life preservation.

I was waiting like 50 ft away from one of the busiest intersections in school, on a two-way heavily traffic street. There’s a lot of traffic everywhere, as well as a lot of pedestrians and people on their bikes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for bikes and stuff, but in this town (just like in a lotta other towns), bicyclists have taken upon themselves to declare themselves kings and queens of the roads. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not closely run over by a dumb hipster cyclists wearing extremely tight pants and no helmet! Come on, when people can see your junk through denim, that means them pants too tight! (That goes same for guys and girls)

OK, back to my story…well traffic is going smoothly and theres a green light on the 2 way street. Now each way has 2 lanes, so the traffic light has a protected left turn signal. Well, here comes this hipster doofus on his bike trying to make a left turn on the road. The first car coming the other way sees this guy’s not gonna stop cuz cyclists hate to lose their momentum, so the car slows down and halts for the biker. The cyclist makes the turn but neither him nor the second car see each other. The 2nd car slams on his breaks but its unavoidable, and hits the bike’s back tire. This sends the hipster off his bike in the air and he lands on the hard asphalt. The car stops and the driver gets out to see how hurt the hipster is. The crowd that was patiently waiting for the crosswalk see to the biker too. This hipster gets up, takes his bike and limps away carrying his messenger bag where he carries his pride and probably his laptop in pieces. Everyone in the scene how feels sick to their stomach from the fright, at least I do, and that’s what counts.

From my point of view, the car had no way he could have seen the bike get in his way. Luckily he only hit him on the back tire, but that’s only because he slammed his brakes. If he hadn’t I don’t even wanna imagine. The cyclist had absolutely no protection other than his self entitlement and mistaken ownership of the road. What if the driver had swerved, even just slightly to miss the cyclist? If he had swerved to the left he would have hit the other cars. To the right, only a crowd of about 15 pedestrians waiting on the corner. Again, thank Xena nothing bad happened. The worse that probably happened was the dude’s gonna get some nasty bruises (that he deserves!) and the driver probably has some damage to his car. If it had been me, first of all I’d be worried about the person I just hit. Once I know hipster is ok, I’d want to punch him out for damaging my car as well as soiling my pants.

I guess this turned out to be an open letter to the dumbass cyclists in my town, but come on people, get a clue!!!!!!

Please:

• Wear a helmet!! It might not look as cool as your 80s clothes you got from your parents or that cool ass thrift store, but it saves lives.
• Bike defensively!! Assume that cars don’t see you unless you make eye contact. You learned this in driver’s ed, now use it.
• Don’t listen to your iPod while riding around!! Come on, is it really that necessary to be listening to your sorry-ass Killers or Panic at the Disco shit at all times?!? You need to concentrate on the road.
• Respect both cars AND pedestrians!! Again, it’s now a daily occurance I almost get run over by a cyclist. The day it happens, I’m gonna throw the biggest fit!! Everyone’s seen how soccer players act when they get hurt, well that’s nuthin.
• Make yourselves as visible as you can!! I know shades of black look very cool , but when you’re on the road at night on a bike, you’re playing with your life here buddyboy. Wear bright colors , use bright flashing lights, especially at night. In the daytime it’s not as crucial but every little bit helps.
• And lastly, get rid of those nasty-ass-clown  painted-on pants!!!!!! That pretty much is a no brainer, you look so ridiculous, some cars might actually target you.