First of all, I’m not making this a racially motivated post. For all you haters out there that might wanna spin my words into some cultural, racist, sexist, whatever thing, dont cuz that would be dumb and you really don’t wanna act a damn fool. I’m just stating that fact that every time I see a white person with dread locks it makes me gag. Lemme state what I consider a white person to be — they’re not black. I was gonna refer to them as non-black or non-african-american, but I dont wanna get all 1984 double-speak in this post and typing hyphens cramps up my pinky. To be racially inaccurate, whites may include Asians, Hispanics, and even some African-Americans that don’t have the proper hair to make into dreadlocks. I’m just saying that unless you have the right kind of hair, you should not try and get dreadlocks.

While researching this, I read up some blog on the pros and cons to dread locks. Some people like that Rastafarian lifestyle and thats why they do it. Others like to pretend they’re Rastafarians, and that’s why they do it. Rastafarians wear dread locks to express their inner spirituality and to emphasize their identity cuz one of their major beliefs is that they must remain “whole” so they can’t cut their hair. That;s why Bob Marley died of toe cancer, cuz he couldn’t cut it off cuz it went against his beliefs. While looking for some pictures I found people that look really sexy with dread locks. If your hair can support dreadlocks, then be my guest and do it. When done properly, it looks damn good.

Hindus also believe in stuff, so they have dread locks. Shiva had dreadlocks. But if you look at their hair, it can support dread locks. My problem is with the people that don’t have the hair to have proper dreadlocks. If your hair can’t support this hairstyle, please don’t do it, cuz it looks like SHIT! LITERALLY!!!!

Shitty dreadlocks!

When people that have really straight hair try and tease it into dreadlocks, it ends up looking like your dog shat on your head. This is where it makes me gag. Sometimes people fall prey to cultural appropriation, which is what I think this whole dreadlock craze is about. There’s two kinds of people that wear dreadlocks: the real Rastafarians and the people that wanna adopt that lifestyle for the looks of it.

The other day I was hungover like never before, so I my sense of synicism was extra acute. We go to this taco place to get some tacos and while waiting in line there’s this guy with dread locks in front of us.

Ok, this guy was not really in front of us, I would have totally lost my cookies if he had though. But there was this white guy with brown hair in dreads all the way down to his butt. And his dreads were making me ill because they looked like very long turds coming out of his head. Sorry for the very graphic mental pic, but it’s my literary duty to describe stuff as accurately as possible. Obviously my appetite went out the window. Did I mention I was massively hungover? And that’s not the first time I’ve been disgusted like that by this dreaded phenomenon. Another time my brother and I went to the movies and sitting in front of us was a guy with dreadlocks.

I hear that if your hair can’t support dreadlocks, they’re a chore to take care of. Well it was apparent this guy wasn’t taking care of them cuz the individual dreads were starting to clump up and become one solid dread. It looked like a damn cow pattie, people!! I think I know some people that have had dreadlocks in the past who are not African-American. To those people I hope your dreads didn’t look like a pile of dookie coming out of your scalp!