You make a kid cry on Christmas morning, you go straight to HELL. Sorry, that’s just how it is.

While surfing Youtube a while back I came across this video of a family pranking the youngest member of their family on Christmas morning.  Watch the video, then after you compose yourselves, keep reading.

I do remember having played tricks and making my siblings’ lives miserable sometimes, but never have I crossed the line to psychological abuse (at least I don’t think).  The brothers that are laughing at the poor kid need to get their asses kicked.  Hopefully someone recognized the family and kicked a little ass.  Secondly, the most detestable thing about this video is the fact that the fat mom is sitting right there laughing  and making fun at the expense of the poor kid.  This kid is gonna grow up and stick his neglecting and mocking mother in the shittiest old folks home.

He’s gonna tell her they’re going to Krispy Kream, and then drive her to the home!  He then will give her a Big Mac box, and when she opens it, she’ll find carrot sticks.  Then he’s gonna drive to county and visit his brothers and tell them he’s hired a kickass lawyer to get them out of the pen.  He’ll leave all the information with the guards and take off.

He’ll get in his limo and wave goodbye as the brothers wave back.  The guards will instead take a box to the brothers’ cells.  They will unwrap it, and it will be an Xbox box.  The second they see it they will know what it means.  They will open it and it will be full of sand and a picture of their brother chillin on some beach, probably the Bahamas.  Try laughin now, bastards!

On his way home, he’ll stop at the strip club where his sister is working and say hello to his sis.  He’ll give the bouncer a $50 and hand him $1000 bills, and tell him to go put them in the G-string of the girl thats currently on stage.  When she gets backstage, she’ll see all that money in her drawers, and get get all excited.  She’ll go to the bank and try to deposit it, but the bank wont take it.  The tellers will tell her they don’t take money with George Bush’s face on it.  In all the excitement she didn’t even notice.  But she so dumb, she don’t know one president from the next.  In the parking lot there will be a limo parked and as the polarized window goes up, she’ll see her brother’s face.

Rest in peace: Lwaxana Troi, Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Fixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed.

It is with deep sadness that I post this. Yesterday Dec. 18th, Majel Barrett-Roddenberry, widow of Gene Roddenberry, passed away at the age of 76. She was most famous for her character of Lwaxana Troi from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

After finding out about her death on my lunch break today, I googled her name and came up with a few fascinating facts about her.

• In the first episode of the original Star Trek, she played the second in command under James kirk. Her character didn’t have a name, simply “Number One”. NBC execs didn’t like having a woman so high up on the ranks, so they demoted her to nurse. To this day, the designation of Number One has stuck, popularized in TNG (that’s The Next Generation to you non-geeks) by Cap. Picard calling Riker that at all times.
• Even as Nurse Chapel, Majel was a foxy lady. She was so foxy she caught the eye of a certain emotionally reserved Vulcan on the show. Too bad, cuz at that time she was dating the married Gene Roddenberry. How scandalous!
• Star Trek trivia that every Star Trek fan knows: Majel played the voice of the computer in TNG onward. For some reason, I couldn’t imagine any other voice playing the computer. To all you Star Trek geeks that didn’t know that, then you are utterly lame!
• In the Next Generation, she played Lwaxana Troi, ambassador of Betazed and mother of the Enterprise’s counselor Deanna Troi. This is where she shined. She was probably the funniest most outspoken character in the whole show! The first time she stepped foot on the Enterpeise, she was mackin on Jean-Luc. And because she’s Betazoid, she can read people’s minds. Poor Jean-Luc had no chance! The second time she came on board, she moved on from Jean-Luc on to Riker. All the time being hilarious and uninhibited. Because of this, she was my favorite character.
• She revisited the role of Lwaxana Troi in Deep Space Nine as Odo’s booty call. Meh.
• Because nobody else could do the voice of the Enterprise’s computer, J.J. Abrams (Buffy/Firefly/Serenity creator) asked her to be the voice of the computer in the new Star Trek Movie coming out in 2009. She finished the voice work on Dec. 4, so all of us geeks will enjoy her voice one last time when we go watch the movie.

I’m sure sci-fi geeks from all over the world will be sad to hear this, even if you’re a Star Trek or a Star Wars geek. The best thing about Star Trek is the characters it has, and man was she ever a character! Rest in peace, Majel.

In the future, we will have Build a Clone workshops.

The day after Thanksgiving I decided to venture out and go shopping at the mall. The dreaded Black Friday. While shopping we ventured into that store that builds a teddy bear for you right in front of your child’s eye. It seemed very wierd having the kids choose how their teddy bears will end up looking, playing Teddybear God. Then I got to thinkin, that’s the smartest thing to do, that way your toy becomes everything you want it to be. Well, in the future, instead of having teddy bear workshops, we should have clone shops where we can clone each other.

You may wonder why in heavens you would use a clone. well, if I had a clone right now…

1. I could get a lot of stuff done at the same time. I would alternate with my clone going to work earning a living and staying at home playing with my dog Betty. Crazy Betty is the nicest dog, so she needs my attention.
2. Because I’m going back to school, having a clone would be pretty clutch. I can study more than one subject at a time and learn twice as much. Cuz in the future, clones will be higher quality, where both clones will know and learn the same stuff, their minds will be linked that way.
3. Cloning won’t have that religious/moral/ethical stigma that we have put on it in today’s culture . Right before we embrace cloning, scientists will have had a major breakthrough in inventing the “chill pill”.
4. Yes it will be more difficult to support another person, but it’ll actually be cheaper than having a kid cuz this person eats the same as you, and y;all can live in the same house. Since you do everything the same way, there wont be any surprises. And all the stuff you;ll be able to accomplish will outweigh the drawbacks.
5. Having 1.5 full-time jobs, going to school (in the near future), taking care of a dog, being the perfect son, having a relationship, playing online videogames AND writing a kick-ass blog is very overwhelming, even for an awesome person like myself. But I do have a duty to spread my awesomeness all over the world, so a clone would help out in my awesome quest of awesomeness-spreading.

Here’s the rub though, not just anybody can have a clone. You have to meet certain criteria in order to have yourself cloned.

• First and foremost, you have to pass an intelligence test. This will be no ordinary test like the SAT’s. If you sign up to get a clone, you will be put on a list where they can just randomly show up at your house and administer the test. This way, you won’t be able to cram and “beat” the system. This will make sure you’re smart enough to have another like you roaming around, cuz heaven forbid we have more stupid people. And it won’t be just be book smarts, so you don’t need a degree. If you don’t score high enough, then you will just get permission to procreate. Cuz in the future, stupid people can’t even have kids. You want people like this to have clones?
• We can’t just have smart nerds having clones, these nerds also have to pass a physical challenge to make sure the clones will be both smart and healthy. So for that, just like the intelligence, this test will be set up at a random time so you need to be in good health at all times. This test will be like the Ninja Warrior obstacle course, but the good this is you don’t have to complete it to pass this test, since it’s close to impossible. Having a clone is serious business. You need to be able to look fear in the eye and not be the first to blink! (wow, that’s a pretty awesome line, and it came out just like that)
• Cloning won’t be available to just the rich. Remember when laptops were like $5000? There was no way I could afford one. Now they’ve gone in price sooo much that even I can own one. Cloning will be the same way. For people that can’t even afford affordable cloning, there will be programs where once they get cloned, they can put in “sweat equity” hours to repay the bills. This work will benefit everyone so it’s not like they’re gettin a free clone.
• “What about people like Stephen Hawkins? You don’t expect him to do the obstacle course, do you?!?”, you may ask. Of course there will be exceptions to the process. If you ask me, they should have cloned him a long-ass time ago. With 2 or 3 of them working together, we would already have flying cars and time machines!!! That goes the same for artistic people. Just because you suck at math doesn’t mean you can’t compose a kick-ass opera or paint another Mona Lisa or choreograph the next Beyonsay video. We gonna need creative people like us in the future, too.
• Once you pass all the testes and get yourself cloned, you not gonna get a baby clone. Your clone has to be close to your present age. We can’t wait around till your clone is productive. This isn’t a second chance at re-living your life and correcting your mistakes, OK! Of course there will also be personality and pshychological tests to weed out these losers.
• You will also be responsible to participate in deciding who else in the future gets clones. This way, there will be a self-regenerating pool of smart people choosing who gets cloned.
• Your clone will have every right you currently posses. He won’t be a second-class citizen. You will not have a slave to command, merely a second you to help with everyday stuff and smart activities.
• Last and most importantly, you will be required to wear futuristic clothes. Since you’ve been cloned, you pretty much have embraced the future. In colder climates, you will dress like the way they dress in Gattaca with your hair all sleeky lookin and impeccable wardrobes. For warmer, tropical climates, you will have to wear stuff like in Logan’s Run. Sorry, those are the rules. But honestly, why would you not wanna dress like that. C’mon it is the future, you better look like it! Take your pick of climates, you do have a choice. This isn’t a dictatorship.

Before you make any comments on how wrong my opinions are cuz humans can’t play God, or cuz we don’t have the right to create another human being, or cuz we already have a population surpluss on this planet and we’re using up all our resources. Um, hello, if we had more people we could invent warp drive spaceships and wormhole travel and find another planet, or totally refurbish the one we’re on so it can sustain us. And we aint playin God, we’re just being efficient. If God didn’t want us to clone ourselves, then why did he/she make us this smart?* Just think about this: Extraterrestrials are already ahead of us, so we gotta catch up!

*God also made stupid people, but that’s just proof that he/she has a sense of humor.

Forgive me bloggers, for I have sinned…

…I have not posted anything in more than a week.

Recently my life has been a little bit busy, mainly because a couple of weeks ago I started playing one of those MMORPG things everyone is doing nowadays. Back in the day when I was fully immersed in the darkside of geekiness, I used to play online games. My addiction started with this game called Ultima Online. In this game, I used to kill rabbits and skeletons, as well as have a job as a weaver making armor for other players. Because this was the dawn of online games, it became a little repetitive and I got tired of it and soon left the land of Britania.

Then my brother introduced me to the game he was obsessd at the time: Diablo II. I was instintly hooked. I was now a necromancer summoning the dead to fight by my side. This game was pretty fun and I wasted a bunch of hours leveling up and doing missions and shit. There was only one drawback, because this was still the early days of online gaming, this game only had like 5 stages, with each stage only having like 3 or 4 parts. If you beat the game, you get to repeat it at a more difficult setting. At first it was ok, but I became bored playing the same worlds over and over, so I quit. G’bye Mr. Necromancer, you were fun but I gotta go.

My brother at this time also left Diablos and went to World of Warclaft. I tried to play it, but it was too much for me. That game is very hectic and lotta stuff happes all at once. I kept having anxiety attacks trying to play, so I quit only having leveled my rogue or ranger or whatever they’re called to lvl 4. I know its the most popular game, but I really didn’t like it. Besides, it really doesn’t look good, looks kinda boxy and ugly. Sorry WoW people, that’s just how I feel, don’t hate me cuz I’m not as dorky as you, I do have my limits. World of Warclraft sucks!!!

After a few years away from the online community playing my playstation games by myself, I fond this other game for online play, and it was like falling off the wagon. This time it was Final Fantasy XI.

I’ve always been a fan of the Final Fantasy games, so I gave the online version a try. It soon becae almost an obsession loggin on to that world. I usually don’t like to be in the same place for long periods of time, so my playing time was about 3 hours every other day. If you think about it and do the math, that’s a shitload of time wasted away. But then if you think about it, how much time do people waste in ront of the tv, or talking on the phone, or even hanging out with friends? I soon made a bunch of friends online, so technically I was hanging out with them and shooting the breeze while killing monsters and leveling up my samurai. Yes, I was a samurai. Name:Blackmamba.

Actually I looked more like this, but I did make my character tall, blond and female. Movie geeks, eat your hearts out!! I was soooo happy playing with my “virtual” friends. I know it sounds very loserish, but it was fun. I didn’t forget my real lif frieds and work and being active, but at the same time, I made friends from all over the world. This addiction lasted for about 3 years.

The thing with these games is tht they’re very immersive. You have this character, you do missions. But you also have to make “money” in order to buy armor and stuff in the game. So in order to make money, you gotta learn a craft and get a job. Sounds familiar? You betcha, it ’s called “real life”!! After realizing I was spending too much time online leveling my character (Lvl 75 Samurai, lvl 75 Blue Mage. Hellz yeah!!!), I decided to quit and rejoin society. I was free and a little bit less geeky. That didn’t last.

This lasted for like a year. Fast forward to last month. I decided to go back to playing Final Fantasy, but this time I decided not to go alone. I dragged Mr. N (names have been changed to protect the geeky and innocent) with me to the dark pits of geekdom and both of us started a character. He’s really enjoying playing as a Red Mage, while I’m enjoying being a Monk. This time it’s different though. I’ve actually never played with another person in the same room. We’re taking it pretty chill and not spending too much time online. I still have the character of Blackmamba, but she’s semi-retired. If you see someone by the name of Stilgar in the Phoenix server, send me a /tell Hey there! (If you understand all that, sorry to break it to ya but you a nerd!).

P.S. Extra points to anyone that can tell me where the name of Stilgar came from. Family excluded, of course.

P.P.S Yes, I do realize I’m a nerd for naming my character that.